Taking your own medicine
Monday, 20 July 2009
During my recent NLP practitioner course, I had the privilege of meeting and working with some fantastic people, and I’m constantly being reminded of things that happened during the exercises we took part in.
One such exercise was in helping people to understand how to do a specific task, using what NLP’ers term the TOTE model (or TATE model). I had the opportunity to work with someone who wanted to improve what they saw as their very limited ability to ride a bike, and wanted to learn from me, as it’s something I do regularly.
Initially, I had a slight confusion, as I was working with a guy who struck me as pretty active, pretty sporty, fit and healthy - indeed, one of those potentially annoying people who you imagine can turn their hand to just about any sport and beat most people after a couple of attempts. He, however, was convinced he was a “wobbler”.
The approach we took was to focus on what your eyes are doing during exercise. I learnt the enormous value of this from my motorbike instructor, who, in no uncertain terms, said that if you look at something too long or too hard, you’ll hit it. His approach was therefore to simply focus on where you want to go, and, as if by magic, you and the bike will follow. The good news is that it worked.
This was a great exercise for both of us - as a reminder for me, and , with some walking-based practice, as an aid for my colleague. As most of us tend to do, I felt good about having helped someone, and had a bit of a personal boost from it as well.
However, there can be a world of difference between giving advice, and taking it, particularly when it comes to taking your own advice. It seems so easy to see “the problem” with others, but much harder to see it in yourself. NLP techniques help with this, by managing to create distance between you and your behaviours (parts negotiation and so on), but there are sometimes some really simple things to do as well.
At the weekend, I was playing a little cricket with my son in the garden - he was bowling and I batting. Once I was out (which didn’t take long - I was never a fan of playing cricket), it was my turn to bowl. I opened my mouth to say how terrible I was, and then proceeded to bounce the first ball off the kitchen window. But there was a sudden flashback...
My advice, which I believe, and which I’d happily given away, was to look at where you wanted to go (or in this case, where I wanted the ball to go). I started applying this by looking at the stumps, and then refined it to start looking at where I wanted the ball to bounce. And, to my complete lack of surprise, it worked! I’m not going to be joining the Ashes winning England team anytime soon, but I’m much, much better!
There were two main lessons for me from this experience:
1) Take your own advice seriously. it’s not just for other people, it’s for you as well.
2) Because it is generally so much easier to advise others than to advise yourself, find a technique that works for you, to abstract yourself from the situation and question how you would help someone else who was in the same situation.
If my bowling has improved 10,000% in one hour, imagine what the possibilities are!
Please leave your thoughts and comments here
There are 2 comments
March 18, 2010 - 13:48
Subject:
It is true to say that unless you are prepared to swallow your own advice, you really shouldn't dish it up to anyone else. Otherwise, all that proves is that you are arrogant and quite probably ignorant; or perhaps don't trust your own cooking, in which case why are you feeding it to someone else? Of course, you can't see me putting my fingers in my ears and go lalalalalalala can you? No? Splendid. Thank goodness for that ...
August 19, 2009 - 09:30
Subject:
Isn't it a lot easier to give advice than to take it?
I've always been the advice giver in the family and with friends too. I've a reputation for being pragmatic and being able to see the 'bigger picture'. When I told about some 'terrible' event, I can usually see through the drama and by the end of the conversation things frequently seem more manageable and less worrying.
I've a very different approach when it comes to me - of course it's dramatic, important and no-one could possibly deal with this/that/whatever !!
Once I calm myself down, I try and pretend that I am advising someone else on what to do. Strangely enough, this seems to remove the drama and make things look more manageable and less worrying !!
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